COLUMN: Today's the day to ditch the resolutions

 Ahhhh … a fresh new year. Did you make resolutions? How are you holding up with them? More than you can handle? Then get ready to celebrate on Jan. 17 – Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day.

Who knew there was a day designated for those of us who are great at making resolutions, but not so strong on following through?

Losing weight and exercising are two of the most commonly made resolutions. In the days leading up to Christmas and New Year’s, food is such a key component. You can’t escape it … it’s everywhere.

Suddenly on Jan. 1 (or maybe you’re a start-on-Jan. 2 type of resolutioner) you have your list of forbidden foods and what is acceptable. Good foods: Bread that looks and tastes like it contains twigs and birdseed, grapefruit, celery, salad, fat-free cottage cheese. Bad foods: Squishy white bread, fried foods, chips, ice cream.

OK, so I’ve greatly limited what I will allow myself to eat. Those forbidden foods begin to call my name within 20 minutes of going on the list.

Now the exercise plan.

I promise myself I will use the treadmill to rack up 2.5 miles every morning. But first I have to move the clothing draped over said treadmill. Picking up the armload of clothes, I can’t decide where to put them. I plop the pile on a nearby chair. 

Whew, what a workout so far.

Stepping on the treadmill, I begin my walk, slowly at first. Speeding it up, I begin to feel quite accomplished. This isn’t quite so hard after all, I think. Go, me!

At the one-mile mark I’m a bit winded. OK, I think, that’s enough for today. But wait – what about the goal of 2.5 miles a day? I’ll try for that tomorrow. It’s time for some twig-and-birdseed bread, lightly toasted and topped with fat-free butter-like spread. Yum.

The toast is nasty and dry and hard to swallow. But hey – it’s good for me, right?

Cutting into a grapefruit, I am reminded just how much I dislike grapefruit. Why do I think today will be different? Because someone says it’s the secret to dramatic and fast weight loss.

I try, I really do, but I cannot eat the grapefruit. Grabbing a yogurt and a spoon, I dash out the door, eager to get my to-do list done.

Have you ever noticed that when you place food on a banned list it assaults you at every turn? At the grocery store, they’ve filled the air with the inviting scent of fresh-baked bread. I get what I need and quickly leave, my resolve weakening by the second.

Stopping at the drugstore, I am lured by the bright display of candy reduced for clearance. The 40-piece milk chocolate assortment is just $3.49 … 50 percent off! I could get it for my husband and kids; they would enjoy it. I pause, debating, bargaining with myself. I turn and leave, knowing that if I do not go now, the candy will be mine – all mine.

Day 3. I look at the treadmill, then see the pile of clothes on the nearby chair. The clothes really need to be put away, so that’s what I do. Fifteen minutes later, I’ve walked away from the treadmill, my goal forgotten.

Looking in the fridge, I see the grapefruit, then push it aside. I want a bowl of Cap’n Crunch. Instead I settle for a 6-ounce container of yogurt.

Later in the day, a friend invites me to lunch. There’s no fighting the tantalizing smell of grilled burgers and onions and hot, fresh fries. It’s OK, I reason with myself. I’ll walk an extra mile in the morning.

Day 4. I completely ignore the exercise equipment. Treadmill? What treadmill?

I stick with the yogurt, but cannot bring myself to consider the bread-like stuff again. I offer a slice to the dog, who takes it in his mouth, then drops it on the floor. He sniffs at it and walks away. My thoughts exactly.

Several days pass. A friend asks how the resolutions are holding up. I’m silent in response.

“That good, huh?” she laughs. 

Enough is enough. I know I am not going to follow through on this plan. Now I find there are others like me – those who make, but can not keep pesky resolutions. And we have a day to officially drop those goals.

I will embrace Jan. 17 and celebrate. Probably with a bologna sandwich on squishy white bread and some Oreos.