COLUMN: Don't torture yourself ... that's my job

  While my husband Bud and I were attempting to find something decent to watch on television the other night – and it’s a desert out there, I tell ya – I started thinking that it has been some years since I compiled a list of my favorite movie quotes.

Although there are more interesting things to write about – I didn’t. 

It is sad to say that there are few quotes worth adding since the last time I updated my list. And it’s sad that two of my favorite quotes include the word “taters.”

So here goes:

• It’s a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. (Ulysses Everett McGill, O Brother, Where Art Thou)

• It’s true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist. (Doc Holliday, Tombstone)

• When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. (Minstrel, Monty Python: The Search for the Holy Grail)

• I’m a foolish old man who’s been drawn into a wild goose chase by a harpie in trousers and a nincompoop. (Rooster Cogburn, True Grit)

• Don’t torture yourself, Gomez. That’s my job. (Morticia Addams, The Addams Family)

• A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. (Hannibal Lector, The Silence of the Lambs)

• We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don’t please. (Si and Meese, Lady and the Tramp)

•  To have memories of those you have loved and lost is perhaps harder than to have no memories at all. (Van Helsing, Van Helsing)

• Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. (The Wizard of Oz, The Wizard of Oz)

• Sam: What we need is a few good taters. 

Gollum: What’s taters, precious? What’s taters, eh? 

Sam: Po-tay-toes! Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew... (The Lord of the Rings)

•  You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you’re confusing courage with wisdom. (The Wizard, The Wizard of Oz)

• Badges? We ain’t got no badges! We don’t need no badges. I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badges! (Gold Hat, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre)

• What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. (Captain, Cool Hand Luke)

• I ain’t got time to bleed. (Blain – Jesse Ventura, Predator)

• Vaughan Cunningham: You always seem to be deep in thought. Tell me, what are you thinking right now? 

Karl: I was thinkin’, I’m gonna take me some of these taters home with me. (Sling Blade)

• Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself. (Doc Holliday, Tombstone)

• At my signal, unleash hell. (Maximus, Gladiator)

• That’s enough! When you didn’t know what you were talkin’ about, you really had somethin’! ( Moe, to Curly in “Booby Dupes”)

• What we do in life echoes in eternity. (Maximus, Gladiator)

• Pete: I’ve always wondered, what’s the devil look like?

Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.

Tommy Johnson: Oh, no. No, sir. He’s white, as white as you folks, with empty eyes and a big hollow voice. He likes to travel around with a mean old hound. That’s right. (O Brother, Where Art Thou)

• An evil petting zoo? (Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery)

• Face it girls, I’m older and have more insurance. (Evelyn Couch as Towanda, Fried Green Tomatoes)

• We are the knights who say “nee.” (The Knights who say “nee,” Monty Python: The Search for the Holy Grail)

• The way I figure, there’s really not too much future with a sawed-off runt like you. (The Man with No Name, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly)

• Them sirens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad. (Delmar O’ Donnell, O Brother, Where Art Thou)

• You don’t have what they call “the social skills.” That’s why you never have any friends, ‘cept for your mama.” (Mama Boucher to Bobby Boucher, The Water Boy)

• They’re coming to get you Barbara. (Barbara’s brother, The Night of the Living Dead) 

• I baked a cake once, but it fell and killed the cat. (Moe in “Uncivil Warriors”)

•  I can see! (runs into tree) Nope, I was wrong. (Blinkin, Robin Hood: Men in Tights)

• Want me to show you a little trick, take your mind off that arm? (Major Payne, Major Payne)

• If you fine, fancy gentlemen don’t wanta do nothing about it, then you’re all yellow stinkin’ cowards. (Mayella, To Kill a Mockingbird)

• Woodrow Call (after burying Gus by the stream in Texas): Well, Gus; there you go. I guess this will teach me to be more careful about what I promise people in the future. (Lonesome Dove)

• Yesterday’s gone, we can’t get it back. Now you go on with your digging. (Gus McCrae, Lonesome Dove)

• Only a fool fights in a burning house. (Klingon Commander Kang, Star Trek)  

•  The old dreams were good dreams; they didn’t work out, but glad I had them. (Robert Kincaid, Bridges of Madison County)

• Our genius ain’t appreciated around here... let’s scram! (Moe, Movie Maniacs)

• Now, go away or I shall taunt you a second time. (French Soldier, The Search for the Holy Grail)